The Era of Chaos
by egochan
Summary: Maybe Yami no Yuugi has won a little one too many duels. Could this lead to some strange level of depression? I don't know how many people write Yami no Yuugi's POV, so this may be a bit...strange. R R
1. It's The Era Of Chaos Now

_I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh at all. I own ALL my fics though, so if I see them published anywhere I haven't put them, I will get angry. I will find you and do something. Copy and paste if you want, but don't take anything from me! I hate it when people do that!*  
  
  
  
*[This is mostly a note to Inu Eta who keeps ticking me off. She insults my story and copies it to another site.]_  
  
  
  
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**The Era of Chaos**  
  
_A Yami no Yuugi POV story by Ego._  
  
  
  
I am the god of this neo life style. You see my face everywhere. In a world ruled by one simple game, I am the dominating power. I am the supreme deity you tell the children about, letting them compare their behavior to my example. As the kenshu of a highly popular sport, I have received almost too much attention. I feel this worldwide knowledge of my existence daily. It is a greatness from which I will not hide. I must accept this fate, for I cannot control it. Nothing is in my rule except a façade, a reputation I shall not attempt to ruin.  
  
And no one sees this. Sure, they view my body up on my high pedestal of fame with no latter to lower myself with. I am a servant to this era's vision of heroes. I am the undefeated master of a card game.  
  
All this from a card game! A child's activity!  
  
I still have trouble believing it all now. So much has changed. Nothing of my former views on life is the same after my ascent to this Heaven. Or more, the descent to a glorifying Hell I cannot escape.  
  
Indeed, now I suffer the most grievous ill man could ever discover. I find eternal happiness, wished for by many, is boring. It is too much for me, this glee. I get what I want whenever, wherever, no matter what. I want so for some kind of defeat, some kind of attack on my inflating ego. It would make me feel painfully human again. I want to see my universe hit the ground in shambles, taste the liquid salting flow of a well-aimed punch right into my jaw line. These terrible things that could happen, should happen and do not; these things are very mortal experiences.  
  
I don't deserve them though. I am above such terrors now. I am the cult figure of my Hikari's generation. Even though his alias of Yuugi Motou is accepted throughout, I got him here. Sure, he has great dueling strength and uncanny intuition, but I'm the face everyone worships from afar. I am the confidence others take for leadership qualities. I suppose it is "leadership" shining through my actions.  
  
Once a Pharaoh, I guess I never learned how not to be so intimidating. I have sent many fools three times my slightly Hikari-advanced high to early graves or strong cement institutions. I speak three words and I easily slip into the great status "force to be reckoned with" to the entire party assembled. It is an amazing position to be in, to have so much influence over the simplest things. Even niceties as which meal we will be ordering have been left to me alone for decision.  
  
All these things now are amazing. They are so new and young yet there is an eternal ageless quality to every bit of the human nature around me. The entire race, a species spawned from their gods, I started there. I think, look, and basically act human with a superior air and suavity. What allures the constant multitude is the threat, the tempting coax that I happen to be a little something extraordinary. In fact, I probably am more than a bit influenced by the Shadows I have dwelt in for so long. I currently find peoples' truly real behavior, their unconscious smugness in their precious fallibility; I find this a grand study as well as a memory of my former self.  
  
Oh, the many things they do!  
  
Everyone adhering to my whims just to see me get on that damn platform and put on quite the show dueling (mou hitori no ore could never ever be so proactive in a simple school uniform as when in my charge).   
  
Everyone crowding together en masse to observe and gasp at all the right moments.   
  
Everyone en route for zero disappointment as I draw my cards and compile a strategy in mere seconds.  
  
Everyone watching, breathing, waiting. It is almost like they doubt my challenge. I will win; I always win. They all, the entire lot of them probably, come to see me, bet on me, dream about me. I think there is a desire deep inside their souls, somewhere in that wonderfully twisted mess that is mortality. I mean, there must be in every last one of them a same longing there I myself feel: To see Yami no Yuugi fail. They want to see me not live to their expectations; see me not fulfill my call to conquer this little game.  
  
Hai, but I am too proud to fail on my own. I want to go down fighting, I want to struggle with defeat till it grips mercilessly at my soul and drags me down into the inky blackness of such a sever first real loss. Only that unwanted, unplanned, yet fervidly desired fall would keep all of my personal honor intact.  
  
It does seem my pride engages in every plan I make, trying not to ruin others' esteem of myself. I have never given up. I have never given in. I have never been truly broken, desolate and forsaken, at heart. I can surmise this also means I've never really loved anything. Not even my little game. I may have thought I dwelt in a passion for the cards, but no. It was just a mad obsession that, for a while, was real. In these days of the awakened ancient game, mortals fear the beasts and after shocks of the battles. Even little Yuugi has been know by me to get cold feet while I stay quite calm and composed and duel. And really now, unless the odds are in your favor, whole enjoys a Shadow Game turned death match or demented variation of "chicken?"  
  
Yuugi is not very fond of it all, but I take care of it. I take care of him actually. I remember when he was so very protective of the Sennen Puzzle before I really began to interact outside. He was so terrified something would happen to me while I was venerable in my soul room. Yuugi was always so very considerate of others, even disembodied voices in his head.  
  
I care about my Hikari, right? The Motou has been through so much with me for me that I could never show him the sufficient amount of gratitude for all he's done, for all he will do. Little Yuugi is so much an opposite of me. He cares nothing about this stand in the limelight. He does not rule, but is ruled over by mostly myself. He is kind, generous and understands other people better than I do. I see this is vital, since many horrible and tarnishing actions could have been produced sans his invoice.  
  
Yes, Yuugi is important, very important. He helps us stay sane in the public recognition. I admit, I need his optimism, his constant belief in whatever we are fighting for. I do not really care; I just duel. Yet always I long for the memories of a past so rich in significance that I cannot see. I need to see what my motives really are to live, but I cannot remember. I do not know how I assumed the attitude I have today or to when I first came forth from the Sennen Puzzle, proud, helpful, and a little cold blooded. Now I have softened under Yuugi's influence but I still wonder. What am I really like? Why am I that way? How do I try to remember and avoid the doom within the chambers of my soul room?  
  
What is my name?  
  
How I envy the mortals! They are so frail and diminishable. I wish I could focus on new fads, new ideas, and all the great things they enjoy, but I cannot. I am obsessed with my history and will not just leave it forgotten. I have to find information on my before experiences. Only after this will I be able to embrace this ecstatic young era that thinks I have everything. To them I probably do posses 'it all' by the ways of mortal pleasures and desires. I see it everyday. I posses so many terrific things and I do not even belong in this place. It is funny and sad at the same time.  
  
I have popularity. I have cards. I have life in consciousness. I have companions. I have a dream. I have the thoughts of many. I have concern for my well-being. I have immortality. I have a Hikari. I have importance.  
  
But I do not have myself.  
  
I need to have that one request before I can really try to become anything, become more social and maybe more human.  
  
Dueling is life; life is dueling.  
  
So, who cares? I feel so incomplete now.  
  
That cannot be all there is to me.  
  
  
  
~Ling no Yong~  
  
  
  
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Translation Sans Notes:  
  
Kenshu - wise master; since Yami no Yuugi says he is the kenshu of the game he is the master of it  
  
Hikari - light, used by authors for Yuugi's happier side (obviously not the one in this fic)  
  
Mou hitori no ore - my other mind; I know it's usually seen with Yuugi Motou ending in "boku", but it can go both ways, I mean, Yami no Yuugi IS male, right? I sure hope so unless there's something I haven't heard; "ore" is more egotistical that "boku"  
  
Ling no Yong - Zero's Zero [1] Chinese "zero" [2] Japanese possessive particle [3] Korean "zero" (if I sign a fic, it's by that funny little name; I love doing those things even though they are simply grammatical horrors)  
  
  
  
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_Okay, there it is. Basically a one-shot since I do not plan much for it. I'm still writing "Stigmatized" weekly, so forgive me. I may come back to this if I actually have this amazing thing called free time for once. Who cares though? I may just get like what, two reviews? I always do for these random things. I'm going to try to see who the public likes better, Yami no Yuugi or Yami no Bakura (I have a story similar to this style for Yami no Bakura, just not as much anguish and reality focused).   
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	2. If You'd Leave Us

_I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh. If I own Yu-Gi-Oh, it would not be as popular as it is today because I cannot draw Jounouchi-kun or Malik-kun's hair at all. Believe me, I've tried.  
  
  
  
Yeah, see, another story. Notice, these are now just two one-shots that are connected because someone mentioned a Yuugi POV as being nice to see.  
  
  
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**If You'd Leave Us**  
  
_A Yuugi Motou POV story by Ego_  
  
  
  
Everyone loves you and I'm perfectly fine with this. What better a host for such a great power than moi? You're the entity of all that I would never even want to become and I'm the reflection of a part of you that that seems to have been forgotten a long time ago.  
  
Well, that or you repressed it.  
  
I see you confused. I hope you don't try to find insult in this discovery of mine. You are just one of the most complex existing…whatever you are that has ever shared my thoughts.  
  
Oh, yeah. Gomen, you're the only thing that's ever shared my thoughts.  
  
But I can't help but be angry with you sometimes. I never tell you this because I never really believe it lasts. I just get a little frustrated for a while and then it's okay. It never matters anyway. All that matters is you and me and some destiny we have to fulfill. Remember what Isis-chan said? We have to last through our 'fate' you know. So does everyone else we are in cahoots with us it would seem.  
  
I'm all right with that. Or, I was all right. I've been talking with Yami no Bakura….  
  
I know you don't like that Tomb Robber, I agree. But, what he said really sent a shocker through me. I mean I really had trouble getting over _that_ one. Out of all the nonsense, the complete blathering codswallop he has come up with, this bout really hit hard.  
  
You're going to leave me. You're going to go away because your 'life' is more important than everyone here, everyone who cares about you. You didn't exactly tell me at first you wanted to go away.  
  
I really hope that Sennen Ring spirit is just coming up with all those lies again, all those stories he lives in.  
  
But I doubt this for some reason and I'm mad at you for not telling me. Even if it isn't true, you never warned me he'd say such a thing so casually, like it was so real.  
  
He told me you were leaving forever once you found 'yourself' at last. Of course, he was obviously _lying_ about wanting to join you and 'end' as well.  
  
Well, if you do have to leave, just leave and quit bothering with me. You want some after-life; take it. Find yourself and fade away. Just forsake me here, alone and crying. My friends, they think you are hunting memories only. Yeah…sure. They don't see you're trying to receive the mortal death everyone else is granted. You are an ancient spirit, yes? Maybe you want to die now and exit existence, drop me behind.  
  
You simply do not understand. You are so philosophical and very well into deep thinking, but your common sense is as dead as you will become through this quest.  
  
I could give you anything; everything, and you still would not care. Nothing on Earth makes you truly happy. I see it when you're asked the simplest questions.  
  
_"What's your favorite food? Anzu and everyone are eating out today."_  
  
From in here I feel you pause and stare sadly out the window at some view none of us could ever see in the same shade of blue. I know I can never see like you. Slowly you will just sigh while your eyes shift in and out of focus, like some kind of cloud covers the sun of my vision you're borrowing. Finally you will answer in the most sorrowful voice we can ever make.  
  
_"I don't know, Jounouchi-kun. I don't know if I have a favorite food."_  
  
You think about yourself all the time. You drown in your self-pity and distaste with the rest of the world. Maybe it hasn't hit you yet that in your search you could die; fall away? You're already so distant anyway. I don't think many will notice it.  
  
I will, though. I have. You're a very large part of my life if you want to be or not. You're a strong driving force that has earned us so much appeal. You see that, don't you? Don't you know how many people would be affected if you were gone?  
  
It'd break Anzu's heart. She obviously has a thing for you along with your Domino based fan networks we never really agreed to own anyway.  
  
It'd kill Jounouchi's confidence a tad, but not really. He was always more of my concern than yours in the first place. But still, he looks up a lot more to you than me. You're a fantastic duelist and better than him or Kaiba. In fact, you've never officially 'lost' anything before except your mind.  
  
I mean your memories. You've lost your memories.  
  
For a smart game player you are a terrible people person. It's because you always talk about yourself and your destiny. Please, we know, and it's getting dull. I bet if I asked him to, Jounouchi could recite your speeches about internal meanings to life word for word, pause for pause.  
  
So why would you want to leave us? Aren't we interesting? What do you really need your past for, anyway, but to tell us about? Malik's gone and no one's going to do anything. It's finished. Yami no Bakura knows he can never get our Sennen Puzzle. We're safe. We don't need your memories.  
  
We don't, but it seems you do. I'm sorry; I can't understand why this matters so much. I guess I'd have to experience the situation to really understand it.  
  
But then, you don't even know your own name. I give you mine but you want yours more.  
  
How can that bother you? I can't imagine such a thing stressing me at all. What good is the forgotten past when all it really tells you is how Hell on Earth was avoided forever ago? What's the point? Isis said we changed the course of everything in Battle City so it's not like the past can actually repeat itself anytime soon.  
  
Don't destroy yourself for this. It isn't worth it, mou hitori no boku. I wished you'd just stop, and try to enjoy living now instead of wondering how you used to live _then_. All that is over and done with, it can't matter that much anymore.  
  
You obviously don't think so. I don't want to get mad at you, Spirit, but I'm coming very close. Stop this locking away! Please, you can't have to leave us. You don't have a past, but we'll let you have a future.  
  
No, you have to remember or you'll never be happy.  
  
Fine then. I'll help you then so you at least know I'm here.  
  
  
  
~Ling no Yong~  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
_  
  
  
There, took long enough, eh? I only wrote this to show how Yuugi sees his Yami's quest for knowledge. I based a bit on the manga (I tend to do that) so it may not make complete sense. Btw, this is after Battle City and Yuugi's little chat with Yami no Bakura but before Big Bobasa comes with his bizarre Sennen Item protection unity (his stomach). Knowing a little bit of the manga might help. Gomen nasai.  
  
  
People reviewed after my immature note. Wow, maybe I should do that more often?  
  
*looks at 200+ reviewed fic on Ryou*  
  
Never mind.  
  
Reviewer Thanks:  
  
**Blue September **- Why thank you. I find Yami no Yuugi simply fascinating. In fact, I spent over two hours on that fic (a long time for me, granted).  
  
**The Pharoahs Light & Dark** - Well, I guess I don't usually consider public appeal when I write. I just publish and see what happens. People probably didn't review because they didn't think I'd take it so seriously. I have learned in my other fic that if you threaten reviewers with a certain amount of remarks not being meant, they will pull through charmingly.  
  
**Alina** - Look at this! I wrote a little more in Yuugi's POV. Wasn't that nice of me now?  
  
**Alia-Lemur **- I guess Yami is depressed and ranting. He doesn't know himself!  
  
**KaTyA **- Well, looks like I didn't take this down now, hm? I don't know half the reasons I put fics in the categories I tend to. I write Ryou fics though. They actually get more reviews. If you think there aren't enough of one type of fic, try looking for a believable Ryuuji Otogi. I haven't found one yet, but if you do, point me at it. I took your suggestion and made a Yuugi POV. Isn't it lovely?  
  
**RyuArashi **- Thanks for the faves list. I just need one more member to have an even thirty. The reason I didn't like how this fic was looked at and not reviewed was because I've been spoiled by my Ryou fics with over one hundred reviews already. Of course, this did better than my Ryuuji Otogi fic, granted, which has three chapters and seven reviews.  
  
**A.K.A. Talentless **- Heh, reviews are awesome. I enjoy them…a lot. And look at that, I gave all seven another chapter when I *should* have been working on "Plans" and my new Ryou/Otogi/Shizuka plot. Oh well, at least I've updated some stuff, hm? You know, since you're reading all my fics, you should see my contest submission (unless you already have). Come on, it's in Ryou's POV….  
  
_


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